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Freedom Living Blog

  • Writer's pictureSara Hawkins

Far Greater Than Rubies

DISCLAIMER: Due to the sensitive nature of this testimony, it is not intended for an audience under the age of 18 years. For those in recovery from drug addiction or abuse of any kind; viewer discretion is advised.

My name is Sara Hawkins. I am a grateful believer in Jesus Christ who struggles with emotional eating and past hurts. I have recovered from abuse, sexual immorality, multiple divorces, and rage, celebrating nearly six years’ clean from drugs, including IV use of meth and heroin. God is still working on my need to over analyze and strive for perfection.

This is my testimony.

Born and raised in Michigan, I am the oldest of three. I was brought up in the Church of God and many of my childhood memories involve going to Church every other day ending in "y".

At the age of 7, my parents went through a nasty divorce. There were a lot of arguments involving the police. I vividly remember watching my dad hit my mom with a set of golf clubs. Then there was the time I sat on the curb across the street, as my mother was arrested and hauled off to jail.

My Dad remarried. My stepmom and I did not get along. I felt one by one she wanted to get rid of us kids, so that it could be her, her children and my dad only. I began cutting. Self-harm was my way of seeking attention from my father. I only wanted to be his precious baby girl again. Instead, I was the first to be moved out, and my sister shortly followed.

We didn't see dad much. In fact, I can count on one hand how many times I remember seeing him in one year. I believe this was the beginning of the roots of rejection in my heart. My mom fed into those lies by saying unkind things about my dad.

Hurt people hurt people.

When I was 12, my mom remarried. That March, my oldest step brother molested me. He was removed from the home and my step dad filed for divorce. My Mom had a nervous breakdown. When I tried to comfort her, she looked at me and said, “This is all of your fault.” I never really did understand why I was blamed for their divorce. I just know I didn’t trust anyone to defend me again.

The following years consisted of going in between my parents. My mom was in and out of relationships and I never remained in the same school for more than one year. I had very few friends. I was bullied, rarely participated in activities with my peers; and after I turned eleven, I do not recall going to church often.

Although those years were a blur, I can tell you I had experienced many firsts. My first boyfriend, my first fist fight and my first suspension from school. I remember stepping on the scale and for the first time the numbers really affected me. Somewhere in all of this time I began to believe I was unpretty. I felt worthless.

I moved back in with mom at the age of 15. She had been talking to a man she met online, and after a year they got married. He was Australian - I approved of him. While she was back and forth visiting him, I got away with many more firsts, like the first time I smoked a cigarette, had a joint, drank a beer, and willingly lost my virginity. For the first time in my life my grades went from an A to an F, and I was no longer an honor roll student. My choices were failing me, and I was heading down a bad road. I was an out-of-control teenager and in the beginning stages of rebellion. It all landed me in a juvenile detention center on my 16th birthday.

January 2004, one month later, I was released from JDC. My mom, sister and I moved to Sydney, Australia. All was well for the first four months until I was expected to follow rules. That’s when I ran away from home.

When I couldn’t stay with friends anymore, I began catching trains to random stations. There I'd meet strangers - mostly men - and somehow talk my way into a place to shower and sleep for the night. Some would have their way with me. This went on for a few weeks, when one person was kind enough to help me find a youth hostel that took me in. It was the beginning of May and there I met a girl that told me about a man who could help me. The next day I called him, and we arranged to meet.

He was an older man in his mid-30’s. He put me up into an apartment with his friends. He bought me things I needed, took me out to eat and we began having a sexual relationship whenever he would visit. About a month later he told me he could no longer take care of me, but told me about his friend that had a room where I could stay.

I caught the next train out and traveled north of the city to meet this friend. Over the next few months, this new friend introduced me to one guy and that guy introduced me to another. One place had several men that all wanted to see me. I don't remember much, only a lot of different men having a lot of sex with me. When I finally came to my senses, I realized I was caught up in a really bad situation and I knew I had to get out. I ran as far as I could, as fast as I could, and I never looked back.

I found another youth hostel and as time went on, I lived in many different places. One afternoon, I caught a ride to the train station with a complete stranger. He didn’t take me to the train station though. He took me to an empty lot on the other side and there I was sexually assaulted. When he was done with me, he dropped me off at the train station as if nothing had ever happened. In a crowd of hundreds of people, I felt all alone.

Somewhere in between being a little girl who had lost her way and a young lady who was finding her way, I began to wonder what I was actually doing with my life.

It was now June 2005. I was over Sydney! I really just wanted to go home. I called my mom. She flew me to Brisbane, Queensland where they were now living. I made many intentional promises to behave myself and I finished my schooling.

After graduating in November 2006, I met my first husband. He was 18.5 years my senior. That's right… I was 17 and he was 35. We married on April 6, 2007.

Our relationship consisted of partying, a lot. Mostly things like Ecstasy and Marijuana, on a daily basis, but on many social occasions we would do acid or speed. We began partying with other couples which led to swinging and other forms of sexual immorality. I was having sex in exchange for money and drugs.

All of this sexual immorality had spiraled out of control. After two years of living this way, I didn’t want to live this way anymore. I wanted more in life, like a career and to be a mother.

I went back to school to obtain my bachelor’s equivalent to Early Childhood and Education. Unfortunately, my dreams of children at that time were shattered. Many more lies began to unravel about my husband until we became irreconcilable.

In July of 2011, I packed what I could and bought a one-way ticket home. I decided Tennessee would be a great place to start over.

In an attempt to drink my sorrows away, I partied every Wednesday through Saturday night. On a drunken rendezvous in July 2012 my first child was conceived. In September, I moved in with my new boyfriend. 6 weeks pregnant, he was not the father of my baby, but he was willing to be the daddy.

My daughter was born on April 5, 2013. In this time, I had come to know a different side of the man I grew to love. He was angry. He was hostile. He said mean and hurtful things to me. I cried a lot. He cried too and he said he was sorry, so I gave him another chance. And then another, and another. Soon I began to believe I was the one at fault. Surely, I deserved to be treated this way. We became engaged.

In March 2014, I found out that I was expecting again. I was put on bed rest due to seizures and prescribed hydrocodone for severe migraines.

October 9, 2014, my second daughter was born. I didn't understand why I couldn't love her as much as I did my firstborn. I tried so hard. Between the unknown postpartum depression and beginning stages of opiate addiction, I was fighting a major battle. A battle I could not win, a fight I wanted to quit.

Push came to shove between my fiancé and me. I put my hands on him too. I knew it was enough though, when he pushed me in front of the babies and broke a table. Come March of 2015, I got my kids, belongings and moved out.

Trying to make ends meet as a single mom was hard, that is when I met someone new. He moved in with me a few weeks later and helped pay the bills. Things were okay until a domestic violence between us resulted in an eviction notice on my door. My car was on the verge of being repossessed and I couldn't afford my utility bills. I felt like a complete failure! Everything I had was becoming nonexistent except for my new job at the bar downtown and that one “friend" with all the drugs that she had access to.

It began with Adderall. Extra energy meant double shifts. If I could keep up like this, I'd be back on my feet in no time. A lot of Adderall, a little bit of sleep and I was pulling in about $600 within a few days. I was exhausted. That's when I was introduced to meth. This is the drug I needed to keep going. I was able to work two and three doubles in a row. The money kept coming and I was getting caught up on my bills. I didn't have to give up my home, or so I had falsely hoped.

I moved in with a friend of five years and my girls moved in with their dad. No one had any idea of the secret life I was living. What was supposed to give me more energy and money, quickly took all of my energy and money. I lost my job and everything with it. Fortunately, I still had my car. To feed my habit, I'd drive my dealer around, we would do anything, including stealing stuff and selling it to get more dope. This was my new life.

On a 5-day binge, I did the one thing I vowed I'd never do. I tried my first hit. That one time is all it took, and I was hooked. From there I used anything I could get my hands on. Heroin was the drug I swore I would never use, but I used that too.

In April 2016 I was on a 9-day binge, weighing around 135 pounds with my face scabbed and sunken in.

I ran into my best friend I hadn’t seen in almost a year and she said “Sara you look disgusting, you need to quit”. Not exactly the words anyone wants to hear in response to “Hey, Girl!” But I needed to hear those words. I got to really thinking about all I had done over the past 6 months. Needless to say, it wasn’t a pleasant day.

That evening I went into the bathroom and loaded that syringe with the remaining residue of anything left on the plate. I knew it was too much. I knew if I took that hit my heart would probably explode, but I didn't care. About the time I was ready to take the hit, my best friend pushed the bathroom door open. I am telling you, God sent her in that moment, she was my guardian angel! I knew if I didn't get it together, I'd wake up and not have my children or my children would wake up and no longer have me.

I didn't want to go to a rehabilitation center. I wanted my children back. The girl’s dad agreed to let me come stay with him so I could be around my girls and get clean. For the next 5 days, I lived on his mother's bathroom floor. I was so sick, I wanted to die! I can’t describe to you the pain of heroin withdrawal, but it is a miracle I am alive. Day 3 was by far the most agonizing. I remember bolting for the door. I didn't care who was around, I needed a hit. I needed something. My ex grabbed me and held me on the floor for approximately 4 hours as I kicked, screamed, and cried. I begged God to take my life.

After 5 days, I was feeling better and with much support from my friends and family, I was on the road to recovery.

I began going back to church and discovering who I was without all of the mind-altering drugs and alcohol. I stopped going out to the clubs and my circle of friends became very small. Eight long months came and went. I had my children and was working from home as a childcare provider.

That fall, some things were brought to light regarding my children. It was found out that they were exposed to abuse I could not possibly fathom.

How could this have happened? How did I not see the grooming that had been taking place all that time? I blamed myself. If only I wasn't caught up in my own stupidity and drug use. Or better yet, if I had it all together, they wouldn't have needed to go anywhere- with anyone- at all.

I wanted to know all of the details, but then again, I didn't want to know anything at all. I knew enough of the truth and I have learned to let go over time. Trusting God on the timing of answers and healing of this particular situation in my life has not been easy, but it has been needed.

Around Christmas time, I had sunken into a deep state of depression. Between the stressful days and sleepless nights, I began to lose hope. I stopped socializing. I stopped going to church. I was no longer interested in who I was or where I was going. Anxiety had plagued me so badly, I couldn't even go to the gas station without fear of being seen, just because. Being clean didn't matter. Nothing mattered. I wanted to give up.

I relapsed.

In January 2017 I traded my body for heroin. In the same bathroom I had come clean in nine months before lay a syringe and enough dope to end it all. With tears streaming down my face, I looked up, closed my eyes, and prayed… “God, I am sorry. I hope you can forgive me, but I just can't do this anymore.” I audibly heard God speak to me. In that very moment, as if He were right there in the room, He whispered “What are you doing? Don't you know you are far greater than rubies?”

Suddenly, like a breath of fresh wind, I remembered the "Jesus Calling" devotional my auntie had bought me. I ran into the living room and opened it up to that day. It was talking about how God is in Control and when He calls us, nothing can stop His plan. I hit my knees. I knew I was here for a purpose. I knew what “a peace that surpasses all understanding” truly meant.

I spent the next three days in prayer, in praise and in worship. I couldn't get enough of God. In that secret place with Him I was embraced by His presence. I was in complete awe of Him.

I began going back to church again. I also started attending Celebrate Recovery. I walked into Celebrate Recovery and met a family who loved me for who I was, right where I was. They did not judge me. They did not care about where I came from, they only wanted to know me by name and grow with me where I was going.

I knew I needed to leave the situation I was in; I just didn’t know how; but I had faith and God promised that faith would sustain me. So, in obedience, I stepped out with only a suitcase and my girls. Within two weeks I had a home, a car, a job, food, clothes, shoes, new toys for my babies. Everything I needed; God provided. It was only God.

I began to seek God's voice and do all that He told me to do. I took up and began working through a step study. It was the hardest, best thing I had ever done. I discovered my new identity, my true identity in Christ. I stopped answering to my old names and they stopped having power over me.

I had been praying about moving away from Murfreesboro, TN and God put Cleveland, TN on my heart. Although I had given up substances, I still craved love and physical relationships. That September I met someone new and entered into my 2nd marriage; about a month later, I moved to Sparta, TN instead.

Now let me be completely honest here, I thanked God for giving me a husband, a beautiful home in the country and a nice vehicle to drive. All of these things were desires of my heart. But never once did I actually pray and ask God if this was His will for my life. I got wrapped up in my own flesh, I became prideful, and I ran ahead of God- this was a huge mistake! Two weeks after our wedding I found out that my spouse had begun cheating on me. His infidelity continued and 10 months later I found myself, once again, in a place of starting over.

Proverbs 3:5-6, TPT "Trust in the Lord completely, and do not rely on your own opinions. With all your heart rely on him to guide you, and he will lead you in every decision you make. Become intimate with him in whatever you do, and he will lead you wherever you go.”

Well, I did just that, and God moved fast! I went to Cleveland and looked at over 50 homes in one week. I was ready to quit, but at the last place my aunt pointed out the neighbor had a scripture printed on their door. Would you believe it was Proverbs 3:5-6. That last stop was my new home!

Everything happened quickly. The money for me to move became available, I got the U-Haul, gathered my belongings, moved into my new apartment, and transferred my job. I filed for divorce, and I found a church that did Celebrate Recovery. This is exactly where I was supposed to be. My life was beautifully imperfect, and I was perfectly okay with that. God had begun putting women's ministry on my heart.

It was the end of September, and I was selling some chinaware on Facebook marketplace. A woman by the name of Jennie Hawkins inquired and we met at the Speedway gas station in town. We both knew that God had orchestrated that meeting. She handed me a pamphlet inviting me to a ministry conference. A few weeks later we met for lunch and shared our testimonies with one another. She asked me if I would be a part of her women's ministry, Daughters of Promise. I was honored to accept such an invitation.

At the end of February 2019, I received a friend request from Caleb Hawkins. To be honest I was a little taken back for two reasons. One, I had been doing ministry alongside the Hawkins for 6 months and never knew they had a son named Caleb. Two, I wasn’t looking for a relationship at that time in my life, so when I instantly connected with Caleb, I didn’t know what to think!

We talked for a few days, met at church, and went out for coffee afterwards. Our friendship grew into seriously dating over the course of a couple of months. Once Jennie knew things had become serious, she decided to share a secret she had been keeping to herself.

The day she and I met at the gas station for the set of dishes, God spoke to her. When she drove away, He said “that’s your future daughter in law”. In disbelief that it was God’s voice, because I had mentioned I was currently going through a divorce and knowing Caleb was also going through a divorce; she vowed not to tell anyone about that moment. She had tucked it away in her heart, believing if it were truly God, He would bring us together in His perfect timing.

September 2019, Caleb proposed and I, without hesitation, said yes! We began planning our wedding straight away and God blessed us beyond measure. There was no place we went that His hand was not already in it. There was nothing He hadn’t already worked out.

We had a $27,000 wedding and did not pay a single dime over our budget of $5000. No one can tell me my marriage was not ordained and orchestrated by God himself.

Two days before Christmas, God made a way for us to purchase an SUV so that we no longer had to drive our beautiful blended family of six around in two separate vehicles. We were able to then bless another family with one of those vehicles.

About a month later I received an unexpected phone call from the real estate agent. We had 3 days to decide to purchase the home we were currently living in or move within 30 days as the landlord had decided to sell.

Given we were not in a position to buy; we knew God was shifting us somewhere new.

I had barely stepped foot in a house so beautiful, let alone lived in one! It felt surreal. I prayed and asked God What He would have us do with a home such as this and His reply was, “Your home will be a place for my ministry.”

Joshua 24:15, ESV “But as for me and my house, we will serve the Lord!”

Once we settled, I began having night terrors. I had never experienced anything like this before. I would wake up in the middle of the night and hear noises. I knew it was my mind playing tricks, so I would pray and sing worship songs softly to soothe myself back to sleep. As I would pray and sing the noises would become louder and the story I began telling myself in my mind was someone was breaking into windows throughout the house, trying to take my babies; it was as if I could hear them screaming, “Mommy, help me!” I would get up, go check on them, only to find them sleeping. I would get back in bed, cuddle up to Caleb and sometimes lay there awake for the rest of the night.

I didn’t say anything to anyone, because I was afraid that if I spoke it, it would become a reality. There is power of life and death in our tongue- this is true. However, the enemy will use the word to torment us if we are not careful.

February 29, I attended ‘Day of Destiny’. There I received a card that read “My Daughter, it may seem as though you have been through one trial after another! You have even compared yourself to Job, but I say to you today, do not let those be stumbling blocks to you but stepping stones! For each time you felt your faith wavering, I was there when you looked in my Word! Each time you felt your foot slip, I picked you up through a sister in Christ! I inhabit your worship! You are made an overcomer by the blood of the Lamb and the word of your testimony! Testify my daughter for all the promises in my word are yes and amen! You are walking under an open Heaven!”

I knew I was destined to be there that day! At the end, God told me to tell one of my sisters in Christ what I had been struggling with. All of my Celebrate Recovery sisters gathered around me and prayed. I also talked to our very own Pastor Dawn Lipsey, and she gave me some life changing advice.

I went home and told Caleb what had been going on. That night we made a pact that if I woke up, I would wake him and together we would pray until I was alright. I sat in bed before going to sleep and said aloud, “Devil, if you wake me up tonight, you are going to be so sorry. You can make all the noise you want to, you can even make the lights flicker, but I will not be moved. I will get up and read God’s word. I will pray for my friends. I will praise and I will worship. If you keep me awake tonight Satan, you will be so very sorry.” I said my prayers, I fell asleep, and I never had a night terror again, Glory to God!!!

April 2020, Spring tornadoes devastated many in our community and even within our church family.

Volunteers from all over came together and made God’s calling happen. I felt a tugging at my heart to get involved and be the very hands and feet of Jesus.

Donations were flooding in like crazy and due to the pandemic, we were the only ones helping with anything other than immediate food, water and shelter. My husband only wanted his garage back. I was physically and mentally exhausted, so I prayed for confirmation on what to do. The very same day a donation of $100,000 was dropped off at our house.

Step 1: “Realize I’m not God; I admit that I am powerless to control my tendency to do the wrong thing and that my life is unmanageable.”

June of 2020 I had my fourth major back surgery. Through the process of healing physically, God began to refine me from within. One day, I said some very hurtful words to my husband and in all honesty, if I were him, I would have left me. I cried out to God and begged Him to fix it. I no longer wanted to hold unto what was holding unto me.

Steps 6&7: “Voluntarily submit to any and all changes God wants to make in my life and humbly ask Him to remove my character defects.”

The next day, a close friend in ministry spoke into me and I finally felt the weight of what I had been carrying around for so long fall off of me. As I spoke aloud that all of the people close to me were not those of my past and I was willing to let them in- all of the bitterness, anger, resentment and unforgiveness literally began to lift off of me. I felt the bricks in my heart crumble into dust. I can feel emotion. I can finally feel love.

John 8:36, AMP “So if the Son makes you free, then you are unquestionably free!”

Psalm 34:4, TPT “Find your delight and true pleasure in Yahweh, and he will give you what you desire the most.”

In January of this year, we found ourselves in the same exact position of our housing situation from the year before that had caused us to move right after we got married. In the midst of a pandemic, we didn’t know what to do. We had been praying for the Lord to open doors so we could buy a home, but we weren't expecting it this soon. Our credit literally began to increase overnight. And God made a way out of no way in the crazy housing market for us to get the house I really wanted.

It was a miracle. On March 31 we moved into OUR new home and it's ours - we are now homeowners!!

Psalm 139:23, TPT “God, I invite your searching gaze into my heart. Examine me through and through; find out everything that may be hidden within me. Put me to the test and sift through all my anxious cares.”

One week after moving into our new home, we attended a Recovery Alive meeting in North Carolina with our CR leadership team. It was there God revealed that I subconsciously saw him as a male and because of my past, I was fearful of allowing him into the depths of my heart. I knew God loved me unconditionally. However, being vulnerable to anyone, including God was intimidating to me. C.S. Lewis said it best, “It’s not that we don’t trust God- it’s that we wonder how painful the process will be.” I surrendered my whole heart at the altar that night. I did it afraid.

Had I known what the following months would bring, I would have asked the Lord to prepare me better for the fight I was going to face spiritually. How many of you know that when we walk into the Lord’s calling, the enemy fights with every attack? But God knew... He was already prepared.

Isaiah 48:10, AMPC “Behold, I have refined you, but not as silver; I have tried and chosen you in the furnace of affliction.”

A few weeks later I found myself in a situation where, under a tremendous amount of stress, I walked into a gas station bathroom to use the ladies room. I picked up my phone from the hand dryer and there lay drugs, from my past life, staring me right in the face. Of course I laughed at Satan and told him he must be tripping on all that himself. I threw it away and walked out. This was a pivotal moment in my life because I knew I was no longer just redeemed and recovered, but I have been restored!

End of April 2021, our youngest daughter became extremely ill.

We ended up in the children's emergency department. Several tests were run and the results sent us straight to oncology and hematology. A few days before the appointment, our entire church prayed. We also attended a revival where many miracles were taking place. I didn’t lose my faith. I knew God had the final say.

When we arrived at Children’s oncology and Hematology, we were greeted by the doctors who asked if we knew why we were there. We knew and again they explained Lila's platelet count had been 450,000 + for the past year. The previous week it was 472,000 ( normal is 150,000-300,000). After a lot of explanations and answering of our questions, we were prepared to hear the worst news. That being, our baby had childhood cancer.

The doctor wanted to draw her blood again and look at it under the scope. He came back in and said "I don't understand this, her platelet count was 472,000 last Thursday, but today it's 325,000.” I smiled at my husband and thought I can explain it. "That's my God! He healed my baby girl". God used this situation to help me surrender control. When fear tried to grip my heart and mind every night, I was reminded of the giant the Lord slayed before, I knew God had the final say.

Revelations 12:11, NKJV "And they overcame him by the blood of the Lamb and by the word of their testimony, and they did not love their lives to the death."

Not only have I known mental and emotional pain, but I have known physical pain. And in my life, just like fear, pain has also been a liar.

After four major back surgeries, I am fused T9-T12 in my thoracic & L4-S1 in my Lumbar. With rods and screws replacing the function of my spine, I was told that the mobility I had previously would never return. Immobility has not only caused me a lot of physical setbacks, but also feelings of worthlessness. I have felt like a burden on everyone around me due to my inability to do simple things, like put on my shoe, or pick up something off of the floor.

I tried to mask my emotional pain by covering it up under the physical pain I had, so I took more pain medication. One type of pill led to another and the dose increased as my tolerance was built. The more I took, the more void I found myself trying to fill. I was complacent in doing so, because "my physical pain" allowed me to compromise this dysfunction and cycle of insanity.

You see my emotional pain began to manifest physically. We should never try to bandage wounds that require surgery. Instead, lay our burdens at the feet of Jesus and allow Him to carry you when you have no fight left. Allow him to wipe away the tears. Allow him to intercede when you don't have the words to pray. Whatever you do, when you lay it down my friend, don't pick it back up. Keep on going!!

On Thursday June 10, 2021 I shared my testimony for the second time at CR. The next day, the sweet voice of God, who is never abusive in correction, gently reminded me of my testimony. I speak of opiate addiction, yet there I was, addicted myself. I was taking them for the sake of not being sick and I could finally see the deception and trap of the enemy to keep me from walking in all that God has for me.

On Sunday morning I had a percocet 7.5 as prescribed (4x daily) and went to church. The worship team sang about "Whom the son sets free is free indeed". I went to Pastor Dawn Plemons Lipsey and I told her I had a plan to come off of my medication. She grabbed me by the hands and prayed with me. My plan was to taper down, but since then I haven't had any pain, so I haven't needed one. GLORY TO GOD!!!

What about the withdrawal you ask? Yes there was withdrawal. I went cold turkey without assistance - all natural detox. I had the gut wrenching stabbing aches in my belly, the vomiting and the diarrhea, the uncontrollable leg shakes, the feeling of sweat but I was cold, my skin crawling, I wanted to pull my face off, hair out and tell God forget it... but then I remembered what Christ did for me. All that suffering to die for my sins. His time of sacrifice, when sinless, because of unconditional love for you and for I. What I was going through to be closer to Him was nothing in comparison to that. However, I had prayed for Him to make me more like He created and purposed me to be. This was all a part of the refinement for His greater plan.

Today I am, by the grace of God, 91 days (as of 9/14/21) clean of all pain meds - narcotics, muscle relaxants and celebrating nearly 6 years clean from all other drugs.

I truly believe that because of my obedience and faith, I have been healed. And I want to tell the whole world that when the Lord calls you to something, He will be faithful to see you through it. I am nobody. He did it for me. Surely He will do it for you.

Step 12: “Yield myself to God to be used to bring this Good News to others, both by my example and my words.”

Genesis 50:20, NLT “You intended to harm me, but God intended it all for good. He brought me to this position so I could save the lives of many people.”

Honesty was never trying to hurt me, rather heal me, and denial is an ugly lie from the enemy himself. Since working my recovery, God has truly restored what the locusts have stolen. Each step revealed pieces of me that needed healing. I’m forever grateful for the opportunities I’ve been given, through grace, to make amends with friends and family. Most importantly, I’ve learned to forgive myself.

It doesn't matter who you are, where you came from or how many mistakes you have made. I promise you; you are not too dirty for God to clean up and use. There is an abundant need in this world for you, my friend. There is a breakthrough for someone in the story you have been too ashamed to tell.

Jeremiah 29:11, NKJV “For I know the thoughts that I think toward you, says the Lord, thoughts of peace and not of evil, to give you a future and a hope.”

You are not here by chance or coincidence. You were destined to be here, in this moment, by the creator of the heavens and earth himself. You are His favorite. Now allow yourself to see you as He sees you - fearfully and wonderfully made.

Your identity is not who you once were or what you once did, but where you are going for the glory of our Abba Father. Now reach down and find the “David” within you… Step out in faith unto the battlefield, face your red sea knowing that if God brought you to it, He will show you dry land. It's time to March around the walls of your Jericho, child of God. You, too, are far greater than rubies.

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