Hi, my name is Melea Brown. I grew up in Cleveland, Tennessee. My mom and dad divorced before I was born causing some major hang ups between my mom and dad in their co-parenting with me. I was sexually abused as a kid, which caused many things to change in my life from that point on. I feel my innocence was stolen from me, and now my eyes were opened to things that no child’s mind should ever think about.
My dad was an abusive alcoholic who loved women and drinking more than me. My mom was in and out of bad relationships with men, but she was there and loved us and tried to teach us right from wrong. Their struggles soon would become my struggles as the years passed. They fought over me all the time and really just kept me torn between them both.
They felt as if I chose one over the other by just wanting a relationship with them both. It was horrible. I did grow up in church, though, as a kid when I lived with my mom. I was saved at a young age and had been on fire for God through a lot of my childhood, but one thing that distracted me were guys. I also started smoking cigarettes at a very early age and started drinking not long after. My daddy would be too drunk to even notice I was drinking.
He would pass out on the couch and I would be terrified something was going to happen to me and he would never even know it. My dad and I’s relationship was very toxic. At the age of 14, my mom decided it was best I go live with my dad. She always said it was just something I had to do. I didn’t want to live with him. He was a miserable alcoholic who was abusive. I loved him and liked being out there so I could do fun things and also things I shouldn’t be doing.
I was naive at what was truly happening in my life. I was doing what I thought you should do looking at my parents' lives. I followed right in their footsteps instead of following in Jesus’ footsteps. When I was 16 I had enough of the abuse from my father and moved out into my older sister’s home till I was 18. I moved out as soon as I turned 18 and that is where the journey with harder drugs began. I had already smoked majiuana and drank growing up at my dad’s house. I started taking narcotic pain medication and amphetamines that would give me energy.
At first, I thought it was the best thing ever. I had the energy to clean the house, be a great mom, not struggling with pain in my body or anxiety. What more could I ask for? (Or so I thought.) I had struggled with chronic migraines and excessive fluid on the brain for years. I also lost some vision because of this. The doctors have never determined what caused it all, even to this day. I have struggled with PTSD and anxiety my whole life. Still struggling with these and struggled finding ways to cope with them outside of drugs or alcohol.
The pain pills and amphethanes then turned into meth, which was my drug of choice. I was introduced to shooting meth also which hooked me to this drug for over five years. I fought hard to stop shooting up for three of those five years when I finally was able to give that up, but did not give up meth all together. It had me in its grips and did not want to let go of me. It changed everything about me and who I was as a person. I strayed so far from God, but towards the end of my addiction I became what they call a religious addict.
I would read my Bible and Jesus Calling devotional book as I was sitting there getting high. I knew God and once had a great relationship with Him. I begged Him many times to help me but every time I would leave church after going to the altar, I would go get high again. I hated who I had become. I no longer enjoyed it and did it because my body literally craved it. The chemicals in my brain were so altered by this drug that I now have to take prescription mood stabilizers.
But, GOD. One night after a fight with my boyfriend at the time, God changed my life instantly. I had lost my temper punching my car’s steering wheel mad at my ex for choosing the meth over me that I ended up breaking my hand but could not feel it at this time. It just felt like I jammed the knuckles in my hand. I quickly drove away that night scared feeling hopeless and not knowing who to turn to for help. As I headed to my best friend’s house, it was lighting from the heat because it was during the summer time.
I just had this awful feeling though. Things were so scary at this time. I came to an intersection (crossroads) on the road going to my friend’s house. I needed him to take me to the hospital because I could tell I messed my hand up. I was done with the meth at this time. It was like something clicked after the fight with my boyfriend who chose the drugs over me. I was furious at the devil and what he had taken from me. I had some meth on me and was either going to go left to the dealer’s house to get my money back, or I would make that right turn to my friend’s house. It truly was the decision that changed my life forever. See, I would get over to the dealer’s house and just get high and forget about my problems.
So, I knew I needed to go right this time. As soon as I made that turn, a wave of feeling came through my body like I was no longer numb and could feel for the first time in a long time. To backtrack a little, when I first started shooting up I felt nothing like they told me I’d feel. On the sixth time I shot up, I had this wave of heat go from the top of my head to the soles of my feet. I was hooked after that. I know that wave of feeling that came over me when I turned right at that crossroad in my life was the very same demon leaving my body that had entered into my body that sixth time I shot up and became hooked on the needle and meth.
Now back to where I was. As this feeling came over me I realized that I truly had broken my hand as I could feel the pain setting in. I started to get dizzy and my vision was going blurry as I was about to pass out driving. Luckily my friend’s house was just right down from that intersection. As I pull in and get out I run to the door. I can barely hear my son saying something as my ears are ringing. I am going into tunnel vision and trying to get in my friend’s house, but he was not there. His dad came out onto the back porch asking who was knocking. As I went to go around the house telling him, "It’s me, Pops," I pass out and fall to the ground. I came to lying on the ground hearing God telling me to, “Get up, Melea. Get up!” As I opened my eyes and pushed myself up to stand up. I was pouring sweat. I had cut my chin and shoulder open from the concrete on the sidewalk. It was burning so bad. Pops helped me inside and as I laid there covered in sweat, I realized afterwards that was all the meth coming out of my system.
God had to put me flat on my face so that I would be once and for all delivered from the demon of addiction. The devil no longer had a hold on me. I could tell in the pit of my stomach something had changed. Anytime I said I would quit I knew in the pit of my stomach I would do it again. Except this time was different. I took what meth I had and went outside and lit it on fire in the driveway. From that day forward I chose to serve Christ and never look back at the life of drugs. Yes, along the way I have had some struggles. Addiction can be more than just drugs and it seems I do have an addictive personality. I fight everyday to do what is right and to never turn back to my old ways.
I will not be like “A dog who returns to his vomit as a fool returns to his folly,” like the Bible states in Proverbs 26:11. I am now currently over five years clean from drugs. It hasn’t been easy at times but I know where my help comes from. God has guided me through some tragic moments like my daddy passing away in 2018 from an accidental overdose. Talk about shaking someone to their core. God has restored many relationships that were broken due to my addiction.
My father and I were getting along quite well before he passed. Just wish we had more time together during the good times. Me and my mother have become so close. My sobriety date is 6/13/2016, which is my mother’s birthday. The best present I could ever give her. If it wasn’t for my mama I don’t know where I’d be. Yes, I have a lot of childhood trauma from her and my dad, but she always prayed and was always there after I got older. She is my best friend and I thank God for her. Another torn relationship was with my sister, but not the one I had moved in with when I was sixteen.
This sister we literally grew up together and were best friends. She and her kids were my everything. She actually had to take custody of my son during my addiction for about 8-9 months. God restored that relationship to something so much better. It took her awhile to fully allow herself to be a part of my life again, but God moved mountains. He also healed some other relationships but these were the main three that had truly impacted my life so greatly.
God has allowed me many chances to get it right as a mother. My son is my saving grace. Through God and His help, I have made it this far. He is what keeps me pushing forward no matter what. He is my reason to live in freedom and a healthy lifestyle. I don’t want my child to have the childhood I did, so I changed it with God’s help. He has given me back so much more than what the devil stole from us. We just bought a house last year, got married, paid off debt and my car, and bought a jeep we have been wanting. I have a great job making good money. I went from literally nothing to what I have now all by the grace of God.
But most of all he has blessed me with a loving son, a loving husband, a loving family, church family, and friends. He has helped me find ways to cope with life’s struggles and not give up or give in to the devil’s tricks and lies. He has given me freedom from living in bondage and sin. I can never thank him enough for showing me unconditional love. He is such a loving father even when we do not deserve it. I just hope and pray that God continues to use me and my story in a mighty way to help others see just how powerful, loving, forgiving, and how gracious he is to his children. Whom the son sets free is free indeed! God bless you all.